Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Pah! And The Battle of Mother's Pride

Indeedily Pah! I am saying that loads of times so I don't end up having to add funds to the swear box... mainly because... why is it... two days of shops being closed over Christmas causes major panic buying and fighting in a supermarket??? That was my afternoon that was... not me and the fighting and panic buying... no I was just a witness to all of that malarkey. So, being as I regard myself as supremely organised (ok, that is stretching it a bit but I like the idea of it ROFL) and I have sufficient cunning to go and get the shopping done today rather than when the supermarket will be busy on Christmas Eve, I thought I would go and exercise my cunning plan and see how it panned out.... Pah! And thrice PAH! And an extra Pah! for goodly measures! I left home at 1pm, collected my prescription, popped to the Chemist to get it filled, said to the lovely lady there that I would be back in half an hour as I had to pop to the supermarket... mmm, famous last words there. Firstly, I was just about to reverse into a parking space and some clod in a huge BMW off-roady-blinged-up monster truck, that very obviously is needed for the rough terrains of deepest suburbia, decided that he was going to ignore Ferdy cos he is ickle and a bit cute looking... so, I had to drive around the car park for about ten minutes looking for a space! That should have sent warning signals to my cunning brain, warning, you know, of impending doom in the shop itself.



So, Ferdy is parked and I am fighting with a ******** insert own swearword in as you like for that one shopping trolley that really does appear to have been run over by old clod boy in the carpark's monster BMW. Anyways, off I toddle with me wonky trolley and experience what I can only describe as living hell in a hot sweaty shop with several hundred deranged people, all of whom have young children that think it is highly amusing to swing from trolleys and bash into the old dear with the wonky trolley (that'd be me!!), whilst simultaneously nicking the Pick n Mix *yes, I actually saw a snot nosed boy dipping into the white mice... remind me to NEVER buy white mice Pick n Mix LOL* I got to the milk aisle to find not one single bottle, carton or even thimble of the stuff... so, I asked the assistant if they had any more milk... and his reply is very obviously what they teach them at charm school... he said "no, we 'aven', i' i' bizzeee n t' sno make us run art" Which, I think, roughly translated meant they didn't have any - or he didn't intend on checking for me at the very least. Anyways... that said, it was bizzeee, far too blinking bizzeeee (note the PAH! is silent there LOL)




Finally, I made my way to the checkout, minus the big toenail on my right foot after it was ripped off in the Battle of Bread Aisle. Yes, the fighting, thought I would save that til last... I have never been so utterly entranced in all my life... to see two grown women having a tug of war with a loaf of sliced white... seriously, it was a case of "I saw i' first" " No you diiient" "Yeh I dit" and so on and so forth... to the point that they actually split the bag open all over the floor, so neither of them got the blinking thing in the end!! I finally made it through the checkout and back into the carpark with my little chariot (by now I had come to love my little wonky trolley, it was quite endearing the way it wobbled and squeaked every so often) and realised that I hadn't got any bread, any milk or any Vol-au-Vent cases (which are a MUST at Christmas just incase the neighbours pop in for Sherry - not that that has ever happened but you can't beat a nice mushroom volly for breakfast ROFL) So, now I have to go back and do it all again... however, this evening I have hatched a very cunning plan indeedily... I am going to... send Grim!!! And the time I spent in there??? TWO HOURS!!! Really!!! TWO WHOLE HOURS!!! I had to have a little Nanna Nap when I got home, such was the trauma ROFL The pics here are my 12 Tags tag for Tag 9 (mmm, how many times can I say Tag in one sentance??) Thanks for looking... MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! *whispers... pah! ;o))* TTFN

Hels x

21 comments:

Lori said...

Love your Tag 9, this is may favorite of all of the 12. People are just amazing, aren't they? I can't believe fighting over a stinkin' loaf of bread. That would have been a good You Tube video! I would have taken a nap too! lol!

Sarah A said...

Gorgeous tag.

Never mind bah humbug, should be pah humbug!! Oh the supermarket run a national charm school which is amazing as whichever supermarket (or not-so-super-market) you 'appen t' go ta, they are mostly from the same skool!!!

At least you are prepared for the big day, lets hope the neighbours only want sherry and vol-au-vents and not tea and toast, cos remember "i' i' bizzeee n t' sno make us run art o' bread n' milk"

Sarah x

Sandra said...

oh Hels, I so enjoyed that!
Naps are always good, and after that ordeal it was well earned!
Enjoy!
Sandra

Val said...

Hi Hels - I virtually had the same experience and OH was with me. In the end I had enough and we just had to get out of there. The thing is the shop is open 24 hours, but they are running out of virtually everything except the inevitable 'party food'. But did they have mince pies - no - so I am going to have to make some - but guess what - no jars of mincemeat either - and they won't get any more before Christmas. EEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!

Love the tag by the way.

Hugs
Valxx

Netty said...

LOL Brilliant tag PEACE ON EARTH for such horrendous happenings today......so tongue in cheek, love it. Merry Christmas Hels and enjoy your vollies. Annette x

Jennie said...

thanks for the laugh ! lol reminded me I have to do the supermarket run! eeek!
Hugs x

helen said...

Love tag 9 it was my fave too, esp now i have the die, it's soooo easy! Hope by now you have bread and milk and your volly cases! Nice part of the world you live in, where people fight over bread...
Have a brilliant Christmas, lots of love, Helen.
(hey my word verif is tornw ... like the bread!)

Kirsty.a said...

I went to the supermarket nice and early yesterday. It was all fine. And now you've reminded me that I didn't get any of the ingredients for Christmas Day breakfast. Pah!

Joanne said...

Well first of all, your tag is super and my fave this year. Now this shopping thing. You have scared me 'cos I'm going as soon as I can pluck up courage to squirm out of my cosy dressing gown. Also, the snow on our road and paths (I say paths but there is only one!) has not been cleared and is pure dancing on ice stuff. Nowt for it but to do it I suppose. Oh! Tesco is open Sunday etc and the little shops are open Xmas day. xxxx

Hazel said...

I've been privileged to receive 'the stylish blogger' award on my new Christmas challenge blog and am passing this on to you and 7 other stylish bloggers. Please visit my Craftyhazelnut's Christmas Challenge blog to grab the award image and get details of what to do. x

Viv's Visuals said...

Oh Hels... where you with me yesterday?????? That was just what the local Tesco was like when DH and I went to buy a very very small turkey (just for the two of us, although his belly IS beginning to look a wee bit like Shreks...)- anyway - my brave 'belly' knight ploughed his way through the thousands of people (all preparing for a siege) and grabbed a really cute looking plucked number edged with bacon and already stuffed. After 45 minutes waiting in the checkout queue he then manfully dragged the trolley across two miles of car park through 8 inches of snow back to the car, only to be met by a people carrier who had decided to abandon itself in the (very) small roadway and thus blocked us all in for a further hour - this tuekey had better be worth it........

Wendy said...

The world has gone mad, madder than normal cos somebody added snow just to spice it up a bit......season of goodwill pah! I am avoiding the inevitable for the moment but its coming up fast. I intend to have a stiff drink put on my smile and dive in.....somebody should just remind them its only Christmas not World War!

Artyjen said...

What a laugh! But not for you at the time! LOL
Glad I'm invited to friends for Christmas.....they can go all through that lot instead of me! HOL
xoxo Sioux
Beautiful tag by the way :)
Have a Merry Christmas if I don't pop by again before the day ;)

whyducks said...

OMG what a picture you paint, what a horror! Blast I have to go later! It has been like that in the supermarket here for weeks now with all the snow, people have been just panic buying so very little left on the shelves when you finally fight your way through the door! Very Happy Christmas Hels x

SusanK said...

Boy, bad weather can certainly bring out the charm in some people. Add a major holiday into the mix and it's a recipe for complete and utter nastiness. Love the tag and thanks for sharing the story - makes me so glad I don't need to do all that!

Kathy Eddy said...

Good plan, sending Grim! I ma nearly needing a diaper here after reading your story! I will definatly be reading this one aloud to my youngest daughter. We love the way you word things and I share them with her often to bring a smile to both of us. Merry Christmas to you and Grim!

Tracy Evans said...

Love the tag Hels and this is definitely my favourite, I love the rosette. Your supermarket trip, very funny when your not involved LOL. The shops are only closed for a day or two at the most for goodness sake. Have a fabulous Christmas Hels and Best Wishes for The New Year. Tracy Evans x x

Piddawinkle said...

rofpml x 2

Anonymous said...

seriously, I may have to stop reading your posts... I have long ago not needed panty liners...have none! and u make me p my pants EVERY DAMN POST!!!!!!!! just lucky u are so talented...cuz I just love ya! xo cher

Lynn Stevens said...

oh my gosh!!! fighting over a loaf of bread, no milk in the store? You could have crossed the pond and shopped here, it would have been quicker! LOL Great tags Hels. I'm sending you a p.m
hugs Lynn

Becky T. said...

Oh Hels,what a great story! You have made my day begin wonderfully. Sorry you had no luck at the market, hopefully Grim will get it all done for you! Merry Christmas! :-)

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