Friday, 28 December 2012

Well, I Blame Nigella.....

...I do... you see, she inspires me to go and create with food and stuff and to be honest, and I am being brutally honest here, I am not one of the world's most...erm... competent cooks.  See, it happened like this.  Last week I went to see my BFF Andrea and she was making a pie.  Now, this pie looked like heaven on a plate.  So, I says "I too shall have a go and make that pie"  All well and good, it is a chicken and mushroom pie and the recipe is simples.. and I am usually ok with things like pies and savoury stuff.  So, I headed home with my head full of "I am so gonna make that pie" and I decided that the pie is making its debut today, in fact, this very evening, when our friends Richard and Mary come round for dinner... and yes, they are bringing Jerry the Springer with them (hey, I made sure of that when I invited them rofl)    Being as I am a very busy lass - ok, ok, that is a rubbish excuse, truth is, if I make pastry, it looks like tiling grout... only thicker, lumpier... and greyer.  So, I decided to buy my pastry.  And overestimated the amount of said pastry I would need.  So, after painstakingly making the chicken and mushroom pie I saw the amount of pastry left and quickly came to the conclusion that Nigella bungs her recipes together so quickly and simply, that I too could achieve some wonderous creation in just the blink of a batted eyelid.  This is the result.  Feel free to laugh.. I have actually nearly pee'd my pants laughing.....



They were supposed to be Coconut Macaroon Tartlets.  They are, in fact, Coconut Macaroon-With-Added-Chewy-Congealed-Burnt-On-Bits Tartlets.  I followed a recipe for these little blighters too!   It plainly stated to roll pastry thinly, cut with pastry cutter to line a patty tin.  I did that with ease!  I haven't actually got a pastry cutter that is 3", which is what they told me to use... oh, erm... you already know that it is bare-faced lie cos I was on the tellybox with them a few weeks ago... well, ok, I do have said 3" pastry cutter but it is upstairs, I was downstairs and too lazy to go and get it so I used Grim's brand new beer glass instead (don't tell him though)   It also said to use 1 tsp of Jam.  I did that.  Really, I was very strict and put one ickle teaspoon of jam into the pastry thingy.  And then it said to put 1 tsp of the macaroony mix on top of the jam.  So I did that too.  I was smiling smugly as I popped them into the oven, oh yesh, I was very smily indeedily.....



It said to bake for 20 mins on 180degrees.  So I did that... up until I checked them at about 14 mins gone and noticed the oven was indeedily set on 190.  "Oh ho! That is why they are a bit dark" I says to AlfieCat who had decided to come and see what that burning smell was.  So I lowered the temperature and opened the oven door and wafted it a bit to let the heat out (who am I fooling save for myself).  I then cooked them for another 8mins on 160.  Oh dear.  This is my patty tin that I have had for several decades and never once scratched it.... well, it is now!  *I do need to add that I do use it... probs about once a decade or so....*
Anyways... never one to be defeated, I raided the cupboard and found some Glace Cherries so after I had eaten half the punnet of them, I then proceeded to make the Coconut Macaroon-Mess-Burnt-On-Tooth-Breakingly-Revolting Tartlets a bit...erm... tarted up!    I have yet to taste one because I am fearing for my gnashers... I might suggest that Grim tries one first... you know, just to see if they taste as bad as they look.     Lord knows what the chicken pie will turn out like... I have high hopes for it because it does look nice even though the pastry isn't cooked yet...  If you don't hear from me again, you will surely know that the chicken pie has, in fact, seen me off!



*look at the state of that patty tin!*   Oh and... even though I made us a very good Christmas dinner I still managed to goof up that too... because I burnt the Christmas Pud... in the microwave!  I know, how is it possible to burn something in a microwave?  Well, I dunno, give it to me and I will do me best!   Anyways, I shall away.... I need to rest now, I will have a small fit of the vapours to ensure that I do not return to the kitchen anytime soon and go back to making a mess with ink and paint instead.   Hope you all have had a wonderful Christmas...  Thanks for looking... TTFN!

Hels x

P.S....14 Days to CHA!!!!

29 comments:

Julie Short said...

Oh I totally believe you that you can burn stuff in the microwave!!! You see Super Star actually managed to start a fire in our. He misread instructions and 90seconds turned into 90 minutes! I can tell you Hels EVERYTHING including cooking plate was binned. We ate a lot of slicy things when I was a kid because Mum would inevitably forget and burn stuff. The burnt was removed and the rest was held together with whatever! Loved how she gave it all exotic French names though! Thank you for the post and the lovely memories it has evoked for me.

Jane Willis said...

Actually it's dead easy to burn Christmas Pud in a microwave, in fact it's dead easy to actaully set it on fire - it's the high sugar content, the microwaves do something funny to it. When I'm Lord of The World, they won't be allowed to give mocrowave instructions on Christmas puds, they are too dangerous. But the macaroony things look gorgeous, I always choose the most "well done" cakesand breads so I'd make a beeline for these.

Marleine said...


Morning Hels,
What fun you must have had doing the cooking. Maybe a glass of wine when cooking might help. Lol. X

val jones said...

Hi hels. The cakes look lovely and crunchy. Close your eyes and they'll taste like heaven.

Val in Spain xxx

nannapat said...

Hels, I love your ramblings - you never fail to make me smile (broadly!!). I'm sure your pie will be a great success - justmake sure you get the temperature right onn your oven, ha!ha! Have a great evenig with your mates & be sure to let us know how that pie turns out. Pat x

Patricia Howarth said...

Morning Hels, I had to chuckle when I read your post today. Here's hoping the chicken pie tastes brilliant. I always buy shop bought pastry, it is just as good as homemade, even the top chefs have to agree. Your coconut macaroons look lovely, although rather you than me with the cake tins ha ha.
My Graham decided to microwave the Sainsburys Taste the Difference Luxury Cognac Laced Christmas Pudding, it would have been absolutely gorgeous but I think he either didn't use the right temperature or he did it for longer, it was dry and chewy on the outside (burnt), the inside was not too bad though ha ha. I much prefer the steam method, but it takes hours and the kitchen is full of steam, hence the short cut ha ha.
Hope your soiree goes well and give the pooch a hug from me because he is gorgeous.
Lots of love from Patricia xx

TonyR said...

dont worry ..... if all else fails most dogs will eat almost anything!! teehee!!
you are just brilliant!! xxxxxxxx
tony

darcydaydream said...

Oh Hels, you do make me laugh..I'm sitting here with a splitting headach but you have brightened up my morning...to be honest they don't look that bad but the proof is in the eating...hope you still have some gnashers left!!
Christine in Essex.....xx

Caz said...

Ian agrees with other comments here, in your defence, that it is easy to burn Christmas Pud in the microwave with the amount of sugar it has in it........perhaps I will need that excuse when I do ours a bit later - Richard's Christmas Dinner day today so fingers crossed I don't do a Hels with it!!!
Has Graim still got all his teeth or has he not tried the macaroons yet
Lotsa
xxxxxx

Joanne said...

A laugh to start the day is a wonderful thing even though it's at your expense. Those little buns will still be delightful but take care eating them because the laughter may just choke you all. I'll pass on your dinner invitation this time ROFL.
xxxx

Helen said...

Hope your pie is a success - I am sure it will be fine! I'll pass on the macaroons though, if it is all the same... have a great time with your friends tonight.

Buttons said...

Hand in the air here too - I killed a mini Christmas pud in a Microwave once!!! Trouble is you can smell it everytime you cook something else for weeks too :))
Nigella covers everything in lashings of whipped double cream and booze. Would that help? If you used enough I have a feeling no one would notice the 'well done' bits at all!!
Hope you have a great evening. Hugs, Jenny x

Cornish Emma said...

Morning Hels, well its easily done, and i find you rarely need to cook pastry as long as books say and all ovens have diff tempertures. I set fire to the microwave once when heating a pud!! Not a great smell. Food never comes out looking like the photo in the book. Emma

Angie said...

Had to smile ....she does make things look easy but I bet they tasted good. We had her chicken that she stores in water and bits... then roasts with a butter and maple syrup baste ...yummy. Then we tried her Xmas Rocky Road ....omg.
Happy New Year xx

Barb Cady said...

Oh Hels, the cakes look splendid you should tell everyone that you made them that way on purpose to add a bit of charcoal to the diet after a surplus of brussel sprouts at Christmas! I'm sure they taste lovely. Big hugs barb x

Andrea said...

Hels I do hope the pie turns out ok and Mark would just love them macaroons burnt or not, he loves crispy bits, all the best with the pie and your dinners are always great xx

Kate said...

Hi Hels, This reminds me of my aunt (once or twice removed) who we went to for dinner one Christmas. When we got there there was a pungent smell of burning plastic - she was cooking the pudding in the plastic wrapper that was meant to be removed. Needless to say we went without the pudding!!! Anyway, your macaroons look fab, better than being under-cooked!! - with a bit of glace icing no-one would ever know. Kate x

Redanne said...

Oh Hels, you always make me smile. They do say the proof is in the eating and I bet they taste yummy. Hope you have a wonderful evening. (I too, have burned the Christmas pud in the microwave - more than once!). Hugs, Anne x

Shazza said...

ROFL!!! Hels they look lovely and crisp ;-)
Hope you had a lovely Christmas x

Stamping in Pink said...

oh you really make me giggle Hels! I rarely cook these days, issues with cutting and burning myself lol!
DH does the food stuff and is a much better cook than i will ever be! i do love to bake, though i can't do it as often as i'd like.
looking forward to tomorrow to see how the pie went lol! K x

Anita Houston said...

Oh you crack me up to bits! They still look delectable to me!

Carole Z said...

Hels I always check in to your blog and leave with a wide smile! Hugs, Carole Z X

voodoo vixen said...

I know you can burn Christmas pudding in the microwave... in fact, you can set fire to your microwave if you put said Christmas pudding in for 40 minutes instead of the required 4!! I am sooo glad you are human too... LOL

Aquarius said...

Stick to what you do best I say and go with the crafty makes which are always gorgeous. I'm sure the pies tasted good though and the cherry tarts too. Happy New Year and may you continue to make me smile which I'm sure you will.

Sue said...

That's excellent news Hels - it's not just me then!! Sx

Nan G said...

What's the saying? "The proof is in the pudding?" ....oh but that's burnt...hmmm ! Well enjoy, I think topping with the cognac cream stuff would be an excellent idea. LOL and still LOL. Happy New Year!

Joan said...

Ha Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who "cremates" everything. Hope your pie fared better. Happy Crafting New Year

Carol said...

lol what are you like burning the pudding? I have lovely christmas dinners - the OH cooks them!! rofl always has done all our married 23 years!

I hope you had a fab Christmas Hels and wishing you a great 2013 - see you soon xx

Craftychris said...

oh dear, we have all done it! Usually its me! I hope you had a fab Christmas, even without the Christmas pud! xx

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Related Posts with Thumbnails