Friday, 27 May 2011

Oh So Pretty...

... a slightly different look for me I know but... I felt like doing something all romantic and pretty... naturally flowers feature in abundance - but then again, tis rare for me to make anything that doesn't have a flower on it. Tis Friday, so my day for the Bubbly Funk DT... Caroline sent me a lovely box of stash to play with... and in the box were two wooden icons. I had a little zap of inspiration hit me when I saw them... one is going to be all flowery and pretty and pastelly... and the other will be usual grunge and stuff. All the deets on how I made the icon are HERE on the Bubbly Scrumptious blog. That there is a little piccie of the finished article too...





I got a really funny joke on email the other day from Sam. It is hilarious and any cat owners will understand immediately... and dog owners will love what they read at the end... here it is:

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm, as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks whilst holding pill in right hand. Open cat's mouth. Pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Open jaw and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat firmly wedged between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand whilst forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler whilst rubbing cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lay on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil, blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply bandaid to spouses forearm and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, close door onto neck leaving just the head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer, fetch bottle of scotch. Pour one shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call Fire Department to retrieve damn cat from top of tree across road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed car into fence swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the litte *^)$#*'s front paws and back paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume rest of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to Emergency Room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes remnants of pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Call RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell. Phone Pet Shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL.

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.


Ohhhoooohoooo, this made me hoot... and I hope you had a goodly laugh too. Of course, my AlfieCat is the perfect patient and is the only cat in history that will sit still and just take his pill. My old cat Poppy was a beast to get a pill into.. one time I managed to wedge her mouth open and get the pill in... then she shut her mouth while my thumb was still in it... ended up losing the nail on that one!!! Eeek... Right... bed time for me... thanks for looking!! TTFN

Hels x

10 comments:

Sylvia Taylor said...

I was in fits reading this as I was trying to help my neighbour give her cat Baxter an antibiotic pill yesterday, after an hour & lots of bites & scratches later we decided the vet can give him an injection & it serves the little Sh*T right, I am going to print this out for her but not sure if her sense of humour has returned yet.

Kathy Eddy said...

i am nearly spitting my water on my monitor. What a hoot! So true of cats.

Helen said...

I don't have cats, but this did make me laugh.

Daniele said...

thats brill made me chuckle, I used to put pills inside of orange segments that worked for mine
hugs

Jennie -The Artistic Stamper said...

Hilarious !!! made me giggle out loud, and oh yes been there done that too, that's why I have three of them!!...cats that is!

Beatrice said...

Oh my the tears are rolling down my face - been there but only for the first couple of steps lol

Shazza said...

lol Hels, too funny and so true!!
Have a good weekend, loving all those flowers x

thekathrynwheel said...

Ha ha ha ha!! Yes, very funny and very true. I tried to give a pill to our dog the other night and she spat it straight out, so hubs put it in her mouth with a biscuit and she swallowed the lot without chewing :-)) x

craftimamma said...

First of all that pretty work of art is looking good. Your post hasn't cone me any good though. Ha! Ha! I've had a nasty virus all week which has had me coughing fit to bust so laughing my socks off was really not a good idea.

Hugs
Lesley Xx

Heidi said...

Oh my gosh, I almost peed my pants! I figured about 1/2 of the way through I would have just taken the pill myself and gave the cat the beer! Oh my gosh, thanks for the laugh!

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